My May Flower

May 23, 2004

I spent the night after my graduation party at my best friend’s house. I felt pretty awkward the last few times I had been over there. His sister and I had been an “item” for a while, but that was over now. I was still in love with her. It was hard to be around her, but how could I turn down a B movie night with my buddy? Besides, her shoulder seemed to be thawing as of late.

When we got to the house, their parents went to bed, and we popped Dementia 13 into the DVD player. There was an empty seat on the couch by Elizabeth. I decided to test the water. I expected her to get up and move to another spot. She didn’t. Interesting. After an hour and a half of black-and-white murder and creepy dolls, we moved on to Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter, a classic love story that would soon become a part of our love story.

A few minutes into the movie, I looked down and noticed Elizabeth’s hand resting on the cushion next to me. It was pretty. I laid my hand down next to hers. She didn’t move away. I left it there for a few minutes. I moved it a little closer. Our pinkies touched. She still didn’t move away. A few more minutes. Our pinkies overlapped. I moved my whole hand on top of hers. Several minutes. I moved it down. Our fingers interlocked. My heart was beating quickly. Elizabeth’s brothers had fallen asleep. I scooted closer to her.

“I’m crazy about you,” I whispered. “Do you want to be my girl again?”

She smiled and nodded. She leaned closer to me, and I put my arm around her. The movie concluded, and the menu loop played and played as we sat there talking. I was in Heaven.


May 19, 2006

Elizabeth and her family had moved in December. We were heartbroken when we found out, but it turned out to be a memorable part of our relationship. We called each other nearly every night, and I drove the three hour round trip nearly every weekend to see her. I grew to love MO-142 in all of her curvaceous, hilly glory. I soaked in the scenery, the solitude, and the anticipation as I passed the time by listening to old time radio serials and checking off landmarks. The huge curve where I almost ran off the road every time: 30 more minutes. The Eleven Point River bridge: 20 more minutes. The old white church: 10 more minutes until our sweet reunion.

During that time, I had been faithfully saving for an engagement ring. When I finally got one, I asked Elizabeth out on a date. Because she had moved six months before graduation, she was allowed to finish her high school classes in the fall. This meant that she would miss her senior prom. Needing a proper ruse to hide my proposing intentions, I told Elizabeth that we were going someplace special, and that she should wear a nice dress, because I was going to take her to a private prom substitute.

So we dressed up, and I took her to the restaurant and park where we went on our first date. After dinner, we took a walk by the river. When we came to the spot where I had kissed her for the first time, I pulled out a walkman and we each took a headphone. We danced (awkwardly on my part) to a mixed tape I had made: Frank Sinatra, Sam Cooke, Relient K - you know the type.

After “Earth Angel”, I stopped the tape.

“Oh, I almost forgot. I have a graduation present for you.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. Close your eyes.”

She closed her eyes, and I put a small jewelry box in her hand. I told her to look. She could hardly contain her excitement as she opened the box. She looked down at the ring and immediately started squealing / laughing / crying / hugging.

“Will you marry me?” I asked.


May 26, 2007

I don’t know why I wasn’t nervous. This was the biggest day of my life, but right now I was just fine goofing around with my friends and waiting for things to start rolling. I hadn’t seen Elizabeth since about 10:00 that morning when we went to get the car washed and get breakfast from Sonic. I was anxious to see her. Just a little bit longer.

I looked at the clock. Ten minutes. Then I started to feel it.

“What if I do something wrong? What if I forget what I’m supposed to say? Holy crap, I’m getting married!”

We made our way down to the platform. Everything was perfect: the weather, the lake, my hair. Now I was just waiting on my bride. Then the music started. Foregoing the traditional “duh dut duh duh”, she chose enter to a song that her great-grandfather had recorded for his wife years ago on the radio:

“If God made a sweeter girl
Than you, I’d like to meet her
But I know I’ll never meet her
For there’s none sweet as you”

The crowd stood up, blocking my view. I tried to see over their heads, but I only caught a few stray glimpses. Then she reached the aisle. She was gorgeous. We came together, we held hands, we looked into each other’s eyes, we served communion, we vowed our dedication, we kissed, we ate, and we left.

I will never ever look back.

May 10, 2009

It was Elizabeth’s first Mother’s Day. Our sweet little girl was twenty-seven days old. My wife beamed with pride as she stood up to be recognized at church. I was proud too – of both of them. Elizabeth had sacrificed a lot over the past few months. She went through extreme discomfort, both before and after Mollie’s birth, not to mention the actual pain of labor (which I do not feel the need to describe to you). She quit her job to stay home and take care of her baby night and day. Our families were hours away, I worked and went to class, and when I was home I was busy with homework. She felt frustrated, fatigued, and lonely at times, but she persevered. She was the heroine of our young family. And even after all she had been through physically and emotionally, she was joyful, she was dedicated, she was loving, and she was beautiful.


May 26, 2010

Elizabeth,

After six years of being your boyfriend, three years of being your husband, and one year of parenting by your side, I just want you to know that I am still deeply in love with you. May our children inherit the virtues of their mother, May we always put the Lord and each other first, May we never lose our romance, and May we live long in loving companionship.

Happy Anniversary

Solid Rock

God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you, put it in the soul of everyone.
- Kiss, “God Gave Rock and Roll to You II”, Revenge (1991)

Some would consider this a blasphemous oxymoron. You may hear sermons or read books that condemn rock and roll, even Christian rock, for its overall “Satanic nature”. While some rock bands do use Hellish lyrics and imagery, while some exemplify and promote immoral lifestyles (as do many musicians of any given genre), while I, unlike some others of my generation, respect the “Traditional Church” and its leaders and get no “kicks” from criticizing them, and while I would not normally accept the philosophies of 1970’s glam rockers over those of seasoned pastors, I have to side with Kiss on this one. Rock and roll does not belong to the Devil any more than sex or food or any other pleasurable thing belongs to him.

To do aught good never will be our task;
But ever to do ill our sole delight:
As being the contrary to His high will
Whom we resist. If then His providence
Out of our evil seek to bring forth good,
Our labor must be to pervert that end,
And out of good still to find means of evil:
Which oft-times may succeed, so as perhaps
Shall grieve Him, if I fail not, and disturb
His inmost counsels from their destin'd aim.
- Satan, John Milton's Paradise Lost (1667)

James tells us that every good thing in this world comes from God. God creates; Satan perverts. God gave us sex; Satan turns us to lust. God gave us food; Satan turns us to gluttony. God gave rock and roll to you; Satan can pervert it just like anything else.

God is omnipresent. His Word is vast and comprehensive. As an example of this, and as an expression of my love of classic rock, I present the Solid Rock project. In 2006, the Muse led me to seek out scripture references to correlate with each line of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” (For example: the line, “I am just a poor boy, nobody loves me” = Proverbs 14:20, "The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends"). Like a puzzle, this activity proved both fun and beneficial. It tested my Biblical knowledge and exercised my lookin’ up muscles. Whether anyone else found it entertaining or not, I don’t know, but I enjoyed it. A couple of years later, I completed a similar project using Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven”. Both of these have been posted elsewhere, but I’ve decided to share them here, as well as a new one I just finished. I recommend biblegateway.com for easy reference. Enjoy.


"Bohemian Rhapsody"
Queen, A Night at the Opera (1975)

Is this the real life (John 18:38a)
Is this just fantasy (Proverbs 12:11)
Caught in a landslide (Numbers 16:31-34)
No escape from reality (Jonah 1:8-10)
Open your eyes (Mark 8:25)
Look up to the skies and see (Genesis 15:5)
I'm just a poor boy (poor boy) (Luke 16:20-21)
I need no sympathy (Job 2:11)
Because I'm easy come, easy go (Ecclesiastes 5:15)
Little high, little low (Luke 19:1-4)
Anyway the wind blows (Ecclesiastes 1:6)
Doesn't really matter to me (Genesis 25:32)
To me (Jeremiah 2:1)

Mama (Genesis 3:20)
Just killed a man (Genesis 4:8)
Put a gun against his head (Judges 4:21)
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead (1 Samuel 17:48-49)
Mama (Proverbs 31:28)
Life had just begun (Genesis 1:27)
But now I've gone and thrown it all away (Genesis 3:6)
Mama oo oo oo oo (Exodus 4:25)
Didn't mean to make you cry (John 11:35)
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow (Matthew 16:21)
Carry on, carry on (Philippians 3:14)
As if nothing really matters (Ecclesiastes 1:2)

Too late (John 11:21)
My time has come (John 12:23)
Sends shivers down my spine (Matthew 24:12)
Body's aching all the time (Job 30:17)
Goodbye, everybody (Genesis 19:24-25)
I've got to go (Exodus 4:18)
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth (Matthew 27:5)
Mama oo oo oo oo (Romans 8:22)
(Any way the wind blows) (Psalm 104:4)
I don't want to die (Mark 14:36)
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all (Job 3:11)

I see a little silhouetto of a man (Ezekiel 1:26)
Scaramouche, Scaramouche (Judges 11:3)
Will you do the Fandango? (2 Samuel 6:14-15)
Thunderbolts and lightning (Psalm 18:12)
Very very frightening me! (Luke 2:9)
Galileo (Galileo) (Acts 18:12)
Galileo (Galileo) (Acts 18:16)
Galileo Figaro (Numbers 22:16-17)
Magnifico! (1 Kings 10:23)
I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me (Proverbs 14:20)
He's just a poor boy from a poor family (1 Kings 17:12)
Spare him his life from this monstrosity! (Job 13:21)
Easy come easy go (Ecclesiastes 2:18)
Will you let me go? (Psalm 142:7)
Bismillah! No! We will not let you go! (Jude 6)
Let him go! (Genesis 32:26)
Bismillah! We will not let you go! (Deuteronomy 28:42)
Let him go! (Isaiah 42:7)
Bismillah! We will not let you go! (Matthew 27:21)
Let me go! (Psalm 116:16)
Will not let you go! (Genesis 40:21-22)
Let me go! (Luke 23:39)
Will not let you go! (Psalm 107:10)
Let me go! (Acts 16:26)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! (Mark 14:67-71)
Oh mama mia, mama mia (Luke 2:6-7)
Mama mia let me go! (Genesis 2:24)
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me (Matthew 12:24)
For me (Romans 5:8)
For meeeeee! (1 Chronicles 4:10)

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye (Acts 7:51-60)
So you think you can love me and leave me to die (Proverbs 7:21-23)
Oh, baby (Song of Solomon 4:1)
Can't do this to me baby (Psalm 22:1)
Just gotta get out (Revelation 20:7)
Just gotta get right outta here (Genesis 39:12)

Nothing really matters (Titus 3:9)
Anyone can see (Luke 24:45)
Nothing really matters (Matthew 16:26)
Nothing really matters to me (Ecclesiastes 2:17)

Any way the wind blows... (John 3:8)


"Stairway to Heaven"
Led Zeppelin, The fourth album (1971)

There's a lady who's sure (Ruth 1:15-16)
All that glitters is gold (Haggai 2:8)
And she's buying a stairway to heaven (Genesis 28:12)
When she gets there she knows (Luke 1:41-44)
If the stores are all closed (Luke 2:7)
With a word she can get what she came for (Judges 16:15-17)
And she's buying a stairway to heaven (Genesis 11:4)

There's a sign on the wall (Daniel 5:5)
But she wants to be sure (Joshua 2:12-13)
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings (Matthew 13:34)
In a tree by the brook (Revelation 22:1-2)
There's a songbird who sings (Psalm 63:7)
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiving (Psalm 94:11)

It makes me wonder (Luke 1:29)
It makes me wonder (Ecclesiastes 6:12)

There's a feeling I get (Job 37:1)
When I look to the west (Joshua 12:7)
And my spirit is crying for leaving (Luke 23:46)
In my thoughts I have seen (Joel 2:28)
Rings of smoke through the trees (James 3:5)
And the voices of those who stand looking (Matthew 27:39-40)

It makes me wonder (Daniel 2:3)
It really makes me wonder (Acts 2:12)

And it's whispered that soon (Job 4:12)
If we all call the tune (1 Samuel 18:6)
Then the piper will lead us to reason (Proverbs 4:11)
And a new day will dawn (Zephaniah 3:5)
For those who stand long (Matthew 20:6)
And the forests will echo with laughter (1 Chronicles 16:33)

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow (Exodus 3:4)
Don't be alarmed now (Mark 16:6)
It's just a spring clean for the May queen (Jeremiah 7:18)
Yes there are two paths you can go by (Matthew 7:13-14)
But in the long run (Job 19:25)
There's still time to change the road you're on (Job 22:15)

And it makes me wonder (Psalm 35:11)

Your head is humming and it won't go (Exodus 19:16)
In case you don't know (1 Corinthians 10:1)
The piper's calling you to join him (Daniel 3:5)
Dear lady can you hear the wind blow (John 3:8)
And did you know (Isaiah 40:21)
Your stairway lies on the whisperin' wind (1 Kings 19:11-13)

And as we wind on down the road (Luke 9:57)
Our shadows taller than our souls (Ecclesiastes 8:13)
There walks a lady we all know (Ruth 3:11)
Who shines white light and wants to show (Matthew 17:2)
How everything still turns to gold (2 Samuel 22:29)
And if you listen very hard (Exodus 23:22)
The tune will come to you at last (Psalm 40:3)
When all are one and one is all (Genesis 2:24)
To be a rock and not to roll (Matthew 7:24-25)

And she's buying a stairway to heaven (Isaiah 14:13)


"Hotel California"
The Eagles, Hotel California (1976)

On a dark desert highway (Isaiah 40:3)
Cool wind in my hair (John 3:8)
Warm smell of colitas (Song of Solomon 4:16)
Rising up through the air (1 Thessalonians 4:16-17)
Up ahead in the distance (Genesis 22:4)
I saw shimmering light (2 Peter 1:19)
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim (Genesis 27:1)
I had to stop for the night (Genesis 28:11)
There she stood in the doorway (Proverbs 7:10)
I heard the mission bell (Exodus 28:35)
And I was thinking to myself (Ecclesiastes 1:16)
"This could be Heaven or this could be Hell" (Matthew 8:11-12)
Then she lit up a candle (Proverbs 31:18)
And she showed me the way (Psalm 25:4)
There were voices down the corridor (Isaiah 6:4)
I thought I heard them say (Genesis 37:17)

"Welcome to the Hotel California (Luke 2:7)
Such a lovely place (Psalm 84:1)
Such a lovely face (Esther 2:7)
Plenty of room at the Hotel California (Genesis 24:25)
Any time of year (Galatians 4:10)
You can find it here" (Jeremiah 29:13)

Her mind is Tiffany-twisted (1 Peter 3:3)
She got the Mercedes Benz (Song of Solomon 6:12)
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys (Romans 1:27)
She calls friends (Lamentations 1:2)
How they dance in the courtyard (2 Samuel 6:14)
Sweet summer sweat (Jonah 4:8)
Some dance to remember (Luke 22:19)
Some dance to forget (Isaiah 65:17)
So I called up the Captain (Judges 5:14)
"Please bring me my wine" (Numbers 15:10)
He said, "We haven't had that spirit here (John 7:39)
Since 1969" (1 Peter 4:3)
And still those voices are calling from far away (Isaiah 15:4)
Wake you up in the middle of the night (Zechariah 4:7)
Just to hear them say (1 Samuel 3:10)

"Welcome to the Hotel California (Luke 10:34)
Such a lovely place (Genesis 2:8)
Such a lovely face (Song of Solomon 2:14)
They livin' it up at the Hotel California (Nehemiah 8:12)
What a nice surprise (Joshua 10:9)
Bring your alibis (Acts 7:27)

Mirrors on the ceiling (Song of Solomon 1:4)
The pink champagne on ice (Isaiah 5:22)
And she said, "We are all just prisoners here (Psalm 107:10)
Of our own device" (Psalm 107:11)
And in the master's chambers (Ezra 8:29)
They gathered for the feast (Luke 14:15)
They stab it with their steely knives (2 Samuel 4:6)
But they just can't kill the beast (Revelation 13:3)
Last thing I remember (2 Peter 1:13)
I was running for the door (Genesis 39:12)
I had to find the passage back (Ezekiel 42:4)
To the place I was before (Isaiah 35:10)
"Relax," said the night man (Ezekiel 3:17)
"We are programmed to receive (John 1:16)
You can check out any time you like (Numbers 10:30)
But you can never leave" (1 Thessalonians 5:3)


"Bohemian Rhapsody" written by Freddie Mercury (Leviticus 18:22)

"Stairway to Heaven" written by Jimmy Page (Amos 6:5) and Robert Plant (1 Chronicles 15:22)

"Hotel California" written by Don Felder, Don Henley and Glenn Frey (Psalm 103:5)


Solid Rock was developed by Seth L. (Genesis 4:25)

One

Today is my daughter’s first birthday! In honor of the occasion, I’ve decided to share the first and latest entries of the journal I keep for her:


March 24, 2009

Dear Mollie,

As you can see, the first half of this book was written to/about me by your Grandma. Last night, I decided that I should write the second half for you, my firstborn child.

Actually, you aren’t quite born yet. Your mom is 36 weeks and 4 days pregnant with you. As soon as we found out you were a girl, we knew your name would be Mollie (it was my idea to spell it with an I-E – I hope you like it that way). We live in a one bedroom apartment right now, but we have already set up half of the room to be yours, and it almost looks like a separate little nursery. Everything is pink and brown, and we already have lots of clothes for you, so we really hope the doctor wasn’t wrong about your gender!

Even though we haven’t met you yet, we love you very very much. We want you to be born as soon as possible, so we can see your pretty face and hug you and kiss you. I like to put my head on Mommy’s tummy and feel you move.

Well, I guess that’s all I have to write for now. I’ll write more when you’re born.

I love you,

Daddy


April 13, 2010

Dear Mollie,

Today is your first birthday! I have two jobs right now, and I have to work at both of them today, so I won’t get to see you very much. I’m sorry. But we’re having your party on Saturday, and Mommy and I are going to spend all day with you! We’re having it at [information omitted – I don’t want any of you creepers showing up], and there are a lot of people coming.

You have grown a lot since I last wrote in your journal. You haven’t walked yet, but you are crawling and cruising around on the furniture (very fast!) and can stand up on your own. You like to talk, but the only words we can understand are “momma”, “bear”, “pretty”, and “bye-bye”, which is your favorite (and the only one we’re sure you’re actually saying). Sometimes you say “bye-bye” when nobody is going anywhere. We think that means you want to go – you’re very adventurous. You like to be outside, but you don’t like the feeling of grass (just like a girl). You love exploring things – climbing the stairs when we aren’t looking, opening boxes and cabinets and pulling everything out, etc. You are also very interested in jewelry and flowers and other “pippy” (pretty) things. You love music and have started singing and dancing along. You love food and will eat almost anything. You aren’t afraid of strangers, but, just like me and your mom, you have to get to know someone before you really open up to them. Your blonde hair is getting longer, and your blue eyes are always shining. You are generally very well-behaved, and you capture the hearts of everyone you meet. Mommy and I love you very, very much and look forward to getting you know you better and better as the years go by.

Happy Birthday, my sweet princess!

Love,

Daddy

Wanderlust

Warning: This post contains material of a nerdy nature.

In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war...
- 2 Samuel 11:1a

The pleasures of spring have been jawed about so often that I am rather shy of saying anything about the lovely weather that has succeeded to the snow here. Do you know what it feels like when you go out for the first time without an overcoat and feel all the nerves funny up the back of your legs and see the clouds blowing about a really blue sky? All the same I know spring too well to really like her. She invariably makes you feel lonely & dissatisfied & long for “The land where I shall never be, the love that I shall never see”*.
- C.S. Lewis, Letter of February 20, 1917 to Arthur Greeves
* Paraphrasing Andrew Lang’s History of English Literature (1912)

Although I see my love every day, and although I live in one of the most beautiful parts of the world, I sympathize with Lewis. The arrival of Spring tends to produce in me a sense of longing. This longing has no specific object. Its manifestations are various. Sometimes at work, as I idly stare out the window, Spring whispers in my mind’s ear: “How great would it be if you walked out right now? No two-week notice, no clocking out, no ‘Goodbye, Susan. You’ve been a great manager.’ Just leave. Close your bank accounts, go to Bass Pro, and spend everything on supplies. Then head for some uninhabited mountain and spend the rest of your life living off the land. It would be awesome!” On Sundays, as my family and I drive home from church, she says, “Don’t go home. Roll down the windows and keep driving until the gas runs out.” Spring makes me want to listen to music of a different sort, read epic stories of adventure, go places I’ve never been, sleep on the ground, and eat meat cooked over an open flame. She leads my imagination through time and space to lands of great heroism. My thoughts are filled with kings, knights, explorers, pioneers, cowboys, soldiers, angels, monsters, and yes, hobbits.

It is a fair tale, though it is sad, as are all the tales of Middle-earth, and yet it may lift up your hearts.
- Aragorn, The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien (1965)

I am reading the Trilogy for the third time. My first and second readings were also in the Spring. I suppose that the richness of Tolkien’s work comes through in new ways with each visit. This time, however, it seems like I am aware of every detail. It has been seven Springs since my last foray into those blessed pages. I have, of course, kept contact with the peoples of Middle-earth through Peter Jackson’s incredible films, Rankin-Bass’ and Saul Zaentz’ trippy, yet charming cartoons, and the BBC’s thirteen hour radio drama, but none of these are as vastly beautiful as the original work. Because of these retellings, I have memorized the basic plot, but there is so much more to be found. Having re-read The Silmarillion and The Hobbit a couple of months ago, the history of Middle-earth and the Ring is fresh in my mind. When characters refer to Gil-galad, Tinuviel, Elendil, and even Sauron, I know the stories behind those names.

A college classmate of mine once described his high school library’s shortcomings by stating: “Our first copy of The Lord of the Rings had pictures from the movie on the cover!” My personal library is more fortunate. The books themselves are visibly well-loved. I received the 1978 “Revised Edition” paperbacks as a gift from my uncle. The covers are Dijon mustard yellow with red titles, a black Tolkien signature, and a small graphic of the Ring and its Elvish inscription surrounding the Eye of Sauron. The cover of each book is held together with clear packing tape. The pages are yellowing, with edges worn like a favorite pack of cards. The Kelly green box in which they reside is similarly worn, yet perfectly intact. Yes, this collection will surely hold a place in my heart and on my bookshelf until it is bequeathed to another.

You will have to excuse my adoring tangent. But, as is said of Aragorn:

Not all those who wander are lost.
- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

And, as I have already stated, Spring inspires wandering. I read Tolkien in the Spring, because he both fuels and fulfills my longing. His work is laced with natural beauty, music, friendship, history, legend, and adventure: the very embodiment of the Spirit of Spring.

There are many lands “where I shall never be”, but that should not stop me from exploring the mountains, rivers, caves, and forests of my bookshelf, my imagination, and my beautiful Ozark home.

[Bilbo] used often to say there was only one Road; that it was like a great river: its springs were at every doorstep, and every path was its tributary.
- Frodo, The Fellowship of the Ring


So I'm packing my bags for the Misty Mountains where the spirits go now, over the hills where the spirits fly.
- Led Zeppelin, "Misty Mountain Hop", The fourth album (1971)

I think I’ll take my girls on a hike this weekend.

Escape

I, Burgeon, am responsible for the present constitution of the firm of Burden and Burgeon. I am responsible for the professional existence, almost for the existence at all, of Burden. I deliberately called him forth from his obscurity - summoned him, as it were, from the realm of the Mothers, and set him up in space and time. It is not the fault of either of us that we have since become involved in a complex of responsibilities from which there may be no way out until the shadows lengthen, the busy world is hushed and our work is done. It may not be the fault of either of us - it is certainly not his - that he is turning into a sort of Frankenstein. But in all my present bewilderment I am at least certain of this: that if, without injuring anyone but him, I can do anything to arrest the process and keep my own end up, I ought to do it.
- G.A.L. Burgeon, This Ever Diverse Pair (1950)

G.A.L. Burgeon was a fictional character and pseudonym of Owen Barfield, author, philosopher, and member of the Inklings, an Oxford-based literary group of which C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien were also a part. This Ever Diverse Pair is the story of Burgeon's struggles with Burden, his overbearing business partner, who represents Barfield's busy, practical “self”, as opposed to his creative, “true” self (Burgeon). Burden constantly demands Burgeon's attention, often interrupting or distracting him from the things he loves.

Like Barfield, we have all inherited Burdens from our first father:

To Adam [the Lord] said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return."
- Genesis 3:17-19

Through our disobedience to the perfect Way, we have doomed ourselves to lives of “painful toil”. We have called Burden “from the realm of the Mothers, and set him up in space and time.” Our survival is now contingent on sweat, and we will never be rid of our Frankenstein until we “return to the ground”.

What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless.
- Ecclesiastes 2:22-23

However, in His mercy, God has allowed the fallen to keep some good things: things that (I am convinced) contain a piece of eternity, things that mean more than our inescapable obligations, things for our Burgeons to love.

A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
- Ecclesiastes 2:24-26

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
- James 1:17

I love my family. I love books, music, and movies. I love humor. I love good food. I love history and philosophy. I love pursuing my mysterious, yet knowable, just, yet merciful, holy and powerful, yet personal God. I love His Word and wish people had more respect for it. I love His Church, and I hope that my generation will strengthen, rather than hurt her. I love His creation and the fact that He gave me the ability to create.

This blog is dedicated to the things my Burgeon loves. My Burden, although an unfortunately necessary part of my life, will not be allowed to speak of his successes, failures, aspirations, or frustrations here. I was reluctant to begin blogging, because I did not wish to contribute to Narcissus' legacy, which has steadily increased with the birth of Facebook and Twitter. Barfield's Burgeon considered this as well:

Of course, someone will say that all this is a subtle form of exhibitionism or narcissism or some nastyism or other. It might be if I were writing to please others. But in point of fact it's a matter of complete - well almost complete - indifference whether anybody else ever reads it or not. I am doing it for my own salvation. Burden is eating me up, my time, my wit, my memory, my 'shaping spirit of imagination', my whole me.
- Burgeon, This Ever Diverse Pair

I invite you to read if you wish. I invite feedback and discussion. I hope to make you think, laugh, maybe even discover new interests. But this blog is for my Burgeon's salvation. I do promise that he is a gentleman. He will be honest, but he will not make you uncomfortable. He is not seeking a therapist or a punching bag.

Simply escape...